Hey Mr Reaper, not so long ago after our las one sided conversation. So… how are you doing? I hope you’re fine. I’m definetely not fine by far. Yesterday I had a very long, hard and sad conversation including bloth my brothers. Life really sucks right now Mr Reaper. I really am aching, my feet is killing me and puting me into a very bad mood. Well but bad new never walk alone, so yesterday I got my grade of one hell of a hard test I had to do and it was bad. Now I need an eight so I can pass this semester I believe this time I screwed myself. At least one dependency I’m taking with me to the next year. And that also puts me in a very bad mood. You know, life isn’t even a little fair, I mean, good honest people like me are always having problems while bad people live life as if they’re were born to have the world at their feet.

I was overhearing a conversation around here the other day a woman who worked with me some time ago had a big fight with her son, he called her names and he acted completely disrespectfull with her. And I thought, that I never did that to my mom. Some people don’t deserve having their parents alive you know. My brother told me a story he saw somewhere… that some gui who became a serial killer after he lost his mom. She died sick and a week later he saw a guy beting up his own mom and then we went crazy and went to do guys’s house and killed the beaten up mother. He killed a lot of women and when he finally was arested he said that he killed those women because he wanted the guys to suffer because they didn’t deserve to have a mother. Okay, it’s a serial killer’s mind and the ideas are a lot messed up but I agree with him in a certain level… but I think he sould’ve killed the guys instead.

Aaanyway… I’m having a very bad end of year. I’m feeling a lot like Job you know, yeah… tha guy from the holly bible that had everything, money, family, happiness and then… all of sudden he lost everything and got sick and the dogs on the streets were his only company. The diference is that I don’t have a dog (yet) and I am not homeless (yet).

Bills are starting to arrive again and no sight of the money of my mom… and I really don’t know what I’m going to do to pay the bills next mont… I’ll need to have a talk with the bank manager to se my options.

Dear Mr Reaper I’m not that religious anymore, at least it’s how I feel and today was the first day in almost four months that I felt like praying. I know God is listening, after all he knows everything and hears everything. But I’m not much sure of things right now and I’m not sure I deserve he do something good for me at this moment. I cried a lot this morning and I’m still feeling bad… I know that you can’ do anything about it but I’m just saying. I think I’ll stop being a rebel and a sinner and I’m going to church to pray a little and ask for guidance next weekend. There’s service tonight at my church but I don’t know if my feet will allow me to attend to it… I’ll try anyway…

My bother was talking about the end of the world and the end of it all… that if the world really ended things would be easier. I agree… but as usuall I told him that I rather not take the easier way out… I like the suffering… like says the song:  “Pain, I like it rough ‘cause  I rather feel pain than nothing at all…”

I’m feeling that I’m falling into a depression and this time it’s a lot harder than the last one. I think I was in some kind of shock after my mom’s death and now I’m starting to realize what real life really is and how hard thing are going to be without her and… it seems I can’t stop thinking about it. And I’m fighting very hard to have patience with people around me. I feel sufocated you know, most of the  people around me just come to me when they need something and all I want to do is tell them to go to hell but I can’t because doing these things are my responsability. All I want was… I wish I could throw those responsabilities away and don’t ever wory about it…

Thinking about all that I really understant my brother. I do want the world to end as well. But not like him… I’m not giving up a fight! Not even for a minute… If I’m here I’m gonna die trying… I'll keep on fighting. Like my mom did…

Well Mr Reaper I really don’t have much more to say. Next day are going to be quite busy since I need to read a 500 pages book for a test on Monday, and another one with 700 pages for Tuesday… so I probably won’t have time to write you for the time being.

As always, your friend, Me